We are raised with notions that “love” has something to do with how we express ourselves toward others. We think that when we love someone, we will compromise and make them feel better and will sacrifice ourselves and do anything for the object of our adoration. While this is true to a point, it is backwards. You can not love another until you fully embrace yourself.

The notion that you must cater to the needs of others in the name of love creates internal conflict and it is really the furthest thing from love. We are taught that we must strive to be good but that implies that we are inherently bad or that there is something we must achieve or do in order to be good and loved. We set ourselves up for lives of unhappiness and Self-sacrifice feeling that love comes from an external source and to attain it, we must cater to the perceived needs of others.

When we can embrace the totality of who we are, and embrace all of our moods and all of what we are, whether we like the characteristics or not, we then allow ourselves to be Self-loving. You can’t help whether you feel anger or love in any moment, and you can’t control other people and their perceptions. All you can do is surrender control and accept yourself and what you feel in any given moment, whether that feeling is of wanting to kiss someone or whether you want to kick them. You don’t have to act on it, you merely need to accept that you feel it and once you accept it, then you can change it if you desire. You can’t change something you are unwilling to see.

When you can accept your feelings in any given moment, you will eventually find that you are happy to be you and can remain steadfastly true to yourself by honoring your feelings. When you can be true to yourself and other people’s opinions hold no power over you, then you can truly love without condition. You find that your approval and acceptance is the only validation you need and little by little, your attachments to how other people respond to you melt away. You find that it makes no difference whether your love is reciprocated; you love because you feel love for yourself and nobody can take that away from you. You find that it feels wonderful to share yourself and your love with whoever will receive it, in whatever form it shows up; whether it is helping a stranger with groceries or being present with your kids or giving yourself over to your lover fully and completely.

When you release the need for external approval, you find your own validation and approval is the only one you need. You find that your love is expressed in everything you do and you free yourself to be completely and steadfastly true to yourself. You also find that in loving yourself, you can’t help but love every aspect of your life because you see and express your own Love of Self in everything you do.

Kerri Kannan is a mother of two girls, a motivational speaker, self-love mentor, host for Aware Talk Radio and the author of “Uncovering the Divine Within – A Journey of Self-Love.” Find out more about Kerri Kannan and her transformational work by visiting her website at www.KerriKannan.com